Madame Deviation and the Voice Inside Her Head

Madame Deviation and the Voice Inside Her Head, discuss, Vampires, Lesbians, and over eating.
Dear Mistress Deviation & The Voice Inside Her Head,
I want to be a vampire. I’m obsessed with Twilight and dream every night of being made into a creature of the night – I’m a member of a lot of online vampire cults – Is this normal?!


Madame – Ok, so a lot of people love Twilight – I don’t see the big deal! First off – There is no such thing as vampires! Secondly – I think you need to get out more!

The Voice – I too don’t see the fascination with Twilight and such bulls***, but then again, each to their own. I’d personally say no you’re not normal, but then again who/what IS normal?? How do you know that you’re not perfectly ‘normal’ and the rest of the world are f***ed up in the head? Look at it that way. Plus if you’re starting to question your own sanity I’d consider carrying on, and just keeping it a secret. Live life as you are. Unless you start killing people and drinking their blood, if that happens then we might have to call the nice men in white coats to come and take you away…

Dear Mistress Deviation & The Voice Inside Her Head,
I like this girl, and I dont know if I should tell her or not… I’ve been confused about my sexuality for a while… Are these gay feelings? Or is it just a friendly kinda love? We’re best friends and do everything together, but I find myself getting turned on when we’re getting ready for a night out… I don’t want to talk about it with my friends, but I don’t know who else to turn to… Please Help!


Madame – Coming to terms with your sexuality is often difficult, we can sometimes confuse our feelings especially being younger and inexperienced. There are lots of different forums and sites online to help you come to terms with your feelings. We are only 2 opinions, you may find visiting sites such as which is an online coaching and mentoring community!

You should never be ashamed of who you are – You have to try it to figure out whether you are or not. Being a lesbian myself, I know you have to play the field before you can decide which team you’re going to bat for! There is bound to be a gay friendly venue close to you, check them out, try making friends online/college or local LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual & transgender) association. You’re never alone in this, there will always be someone, somewhere who will help you through it.

The Voice – I agree. Unlike Mistress I’m not gay. I have experimented with both guys and girls, but because of that i know which i prefer!! I can remember at school once, back in the day, a girl was being bullied because there was rumour of her being bisexual, and some boy said to her ‘how do you know you’re bi if you’ve never had sex with a girl?? and i stuck up for her and replied ‘how do you know you’re straight, if YOU’VE never had sex with a girl??’ he was speechless to say the least, but I had a good point!! Anyone who says they’re not sexually curious is lying.
Everyone is. Fact. There’s nothing wrong at all with being open-minded. Plus, coming from a ‘straight’ girl.. Gay bars/clubs/pubs are much more welcoming to people of ANY sexuality, the atmosphere is brilliant, in my personal opinion. Tell your friend how you feel. If they don’t stick around.. well they have just proven they’re not a friend, haven’t they?

Dear Mistress Deviation & The Voice Inside Her Head,
I’m too lazy to cook, but I’m always starving & skint so I cant get a take away…. Advice?


The Voice – I can relate to this more than you’d think!! Hahaha, but to be honest, the healthier things are much simpler to cook anyway! You can always buy the bags of salad, stick a bit of pasta on, and whack some low fat mayo on!!
People think that skinny people that eat junk food constantly are lucky.. I disagree. They may appear fitter etc, but they’re probably rotting from the inside out!

Get a few cook books, try and make it enjoyable, get a few friends round, cook for them and have a few drinks. Play a little ‘come dine with me’ and let them score you. Anything can be turned into a game!

Also, a pint of water before your meal fills you up so you don’t eat as much.. not highly recommended but it works. Or things like Weightwatchers and Slimmersworld can be a good option.

Madame – Well that was a short and sweet question…. My one piece of advice to you…. Get your fat arse off the sofa… get a job and then you can afford a take away…. Ok?